Festive Season Tabletalk: Conversations To Not Serve🍽️

This season, knowing what to serve in conversation matters. Some topics, like certain dishes, simply don’t belong on the table. They may be too raw, too personal, or poorly timed. Not every thought needs to be plated, and not every opinion needs to be passed around. Yet too often, we cut into topics without checking whether they’re ours to handle, whether the moment calls for them, or whether the person across from us has invited that kind of conversation.

The festive season is more than a meal. It is homecoming, storytelling, laughter, and the long table where family gathers. Yet for many, this same table becomes a place of quiet anxiety — not because of food shortages or travel stress but because of questions that cut deeper than intended.

This season, we are invited to choose understanding over interrogation and presence over pressure.

Topics We Must Be Mindful Not to Pry On

Marriage & Relationship Questions

Questions about marriage and relationships often feel less like curiosity and more like a public audit of someone’s worth or private choices. You may be tempted to ask, “When are you getting married?” or “Why didn’t it work with your last partner?”

These questions affect the person as they:

Force people to explain deeply personal journeys in casual spaces.

Reopen grief, heartbreak, or private decisions.

Imply failure, delay, or defect where there may be none.

Shift festive joy into self-comparison, shame, or defensiveness.

Better ways to approach the topic include letting people volunteer their own stories instead of interrogating them. Ask open or present-focused questions like, “How are you enjoying life these days?” It is important to celebrate who someone is, not what milestone they’ve reached. If you’re curious, lead with care like, “Only if you feel like sharing.” Focus on creating a safe space so that vulnerability is naturally expressed and not coerced.

Children and Fertility

Questions about children and fertility often touch places of loss, longing, a medical reality, or a deliberate choice. This touch does not feel festive or casual. You may be used to asking, "When are you having a baby?" or "Have you tried everything?"

These questions affect the person as they:

Expose private medical, emotional, or relational struggles.

Force people to disclose grief, infertility, miscarriage, or decisions they’ve made peace with.

Can turn joyful moments into quiet sorrow, shame, or emotional withdrawal.

Suggest that their life is incomplete or lesser.

It is best to trust that if someone wants to talk about children, they will. Avoid questions that demand explanations. This season, let's remember to celebrate people for who they are, not the roles we expect them to fill. Remember: compassion means not asking questions that require bravery to answer.

Employment and Finances

Questions about employment, finances, and productivity often feel like a quiet measurement of someone’s success, stability, or usefulness. People commonly ask, "Are you working now?" or "How much are you earning?"

These questions affect the person because they:

Reduce a person’s value to income, titles, or visible milestones.

Shame people who are between jobs, changing careers, or rebuilding.

Ignore unseen labor like caregiving, healing, studying, or surviving.

Create comparison rather than connection.

How to get around this? Ask about interests, not income; like “What’s been occupying your mind lately?” Acknowledge effort without demanding proof of outcomes. Also, avoid financial questions as they assume access or privilege. Let's validate seasons of rest, transition, or uncertainty. Remember that productivity is not the same thing as purpose or worth. Lean towards language that values progress over productivity, reinforcing patience and realistic goals.

Body Image and Physical Changes

Not everything that we observe or think needs to be said — especially when it comes to commentary on another person’s physical appearance. Statements such as “That outfit would look better if you lost weight” or “Why don’t you try something to fix your body?” may be offered without malicious intent, yet they remain deeply intrusive and often do more harm than good.

For the person on the receiving end, such remarks can:

Trigger body shame and diminish self-worth.

Heighten self-consciousness in social spaces.

In some cases, contribute to disordered eating as a coping mechanism.

In recovery and well-being contexts, these comments can actively undermine healing. Speech around physical appearance should prioritize health over aesthetics, encourage self-acceptance, and support sustainable well-being rather than reinforce unrealistic or harmful standards.

Grief and Loss

Grief unfolds in a non-linear way, often resurfacing when least expected. When loss is minimized through statements such as “Others have it worse,” or when healing is rushed with remarks like “It’s been long now, you should be over it,” individuals may shut down emotionally. This suppression can lead to unresolved trauma and disenfranchised grief.

Offering steady presence, listening without judgment, and allowing the bereaved to define what support looks like for them acknowledges the depth of their journey. In doing so, we honor resilience, preserve dignity, and foster trust.

Embracing the Spirit of the Season

This festive season, let us pause before we speak and ask whether our words will bring comfort or compel silence. Avoiding harmful statements is not about perfection, but intention. When we listen more than we speak and offer support without conditions, we help transform family gatherings into places of safety, understanding, and genuine connection.

Before You Speak, Pause and Consider:

Is it helpful?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

If you find yourself battling intense emotions that come with questions, interrogations, and the pressure of being around family and friends this festive season, “Me and My Emotions” by Dr. Farzana Naeem and Shanaya Sidhu is exactly the guide you need. In moments when conversations feel heavy, this book helps you slow down and carry yourself through the season with more clarity and care.

Visit us at 16 McLaren Road, Milton Park or contact us on +263 78 808 0001 to purchase a copy

Happy Holidays!